The Learning Curve | Bridging Gaps: Making (and keeping) friends as an adult
In the hustle of modern life, maintaining connections can be a challenge. This issue focuses on the value of genuine conversations, especially in the context of hobbies and shared interests. I'll touch on the importance of hobbies like sports and photography, and practical tips for making and keeping friends as adults. At the end there's a new favourite tool of mine that helps to bridge physical distances in a timely and non-invasive way.
At a glance:
Something to watch: 'Sunday' a short film about maintaining social connections
Something else to watch: How to make friends as an adult
Tools to try out: Reduce physical distance to keep who you want close
Something to watch: 'Sunday' a short film about maintaining social connections
You don't realise the power of a conversation with one of your mates.
Sunday was created in response to research by Mind during the UK’s first lockdown in 2021, which revealed that almost half (49%) of adults and over half (52%) of young people said their mental health had gotten worse because they weren’t able to play sport or exercise. What also comes through clearly in the film is the important social element that the Sunday League provides.
“The enforced break has helped to crystalise what we really love about the game and all it brings, which we have told through the number of voices heard in the film. I truly hope the film helps to highlight the importance of an honest discourse about mental health, where we can all play a role for our team inside and out of the dressing room.”
In the last five years, I've seen a growing number of ex-teammates, work colleagues, and friends struggle to adapt to life post-organised sports. It's clear that as people transition out of playing their favorite sports, various changes occur in their lives. These changes can impact their physical well-being and social connections. To sum up, what I've seen is:
Many in their early/mid-30s start to face physical challenges and injuries as they continue to play their favorite sports. Not knowing when to call it a day keeps them in a vicious cycle of playing>injury>recovery, with playing only being a small part of this cycle.
Regular and calendarised training and matches create a routine that facilitates social connections effortlessly. It becomes harder to maintain after leaving the sport.
Leaving a sport leads to having to make a proactive effort to both engage in physical activity and maintain social connections.
The short film "Sunday" effectively portrays the significance of these social connections and can be a meaningful way to check in with old teammates and initiate conversations.
Something else to watch: How to make friends as an adult
After moving to a new country, I decided to make the most of my social life. To stay in my room and play FIFA, I could have stayed in London. I got involved in hobbies I already loved, like playing football, and even took it more seriously by joining a local team (recognised by FIFA as an international signing ✅ 💅).
Photography turned out to be a great way to transition out of playing sports while still maintaining my social connections. It allowed me to explore new connections, leading to various new genres like sports photography, landscapes, events, and street photography. I even began hosting photowalks for people who shared my passion in the area.
Over time, my photography hobby started to turn into a side business, and I got to know a whole new set of people who were entrepreneurs and had a growth-oriented mindset. While I spent less time with my football friends, I found myself spending more time with these like-minded, curious individuals who I wanted to spend more time with and have their positivity rub off on me.
Finding friends and building social connections is essential for feeling at home. Here's a practical guide, based on personal experience, to help you navigate this:
Be interested in others: Start conversations by asking people about their lives. Dale Carnegie wisely said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”
Engage in activities you love: Join classes or activities that genuinely interest you. Whether it’s a hobby from your childhood or something new, engaging in activities you love ensures you meet like-minded people. It can be as unique as ultimate frisbee or any other passion you have. Your genuine enthusiasm will attract others who share your interests.
Leverage technology: Make use of online communities and meetup apps. If you can’t find a group or activity that suits your interests, consider starting one yourself. For instance, in Manresa, there’s ‘Talk and Beer,’ a social meetup for practicing spoken English, and the podcast ‘Pop S’en Parla,’ are taking their show "on the road" connecting people passionate about pop culture.
Be proactive: Friendships require effort to thrive, especially as we get older and busier. Take proactive steps to maintain connections. Plan social events, book holidays together, or schedule regular calls. Small efforts can make a significant difference in nurturing friendships over time.
If this has hit a nerve with you, consider watching this 30-minute TED talk. The Secret to Making New Friends as an Adult by Marisa G. Franco
Tools to try out: Reduce physical distance to keep who you want close
To finish up, here are a couple of tools and tips to make it easier to keep in touch.
Letterloop: Create a newsletter for your family or friends. You choose some questions for each member of the group to answer. Invite your inner circle. Get everyone's bite-sized stories in a fun and beautiful email, ready for reply-all. We've recently started with my cousins as we're spread out over the UK, Manresa and Japan.
A bonus 2:30 minute video, to watch, and to send to someone you know. Call it homework. Call it the best Mental Health day campaign of 2023.
Conclusion:
If you got this far, thank you.
Today, we've explored the significance of hobbies like sports and photography in nurturing social bonds. Hopefully this issue helps to remind us that adults can make friends and it's rewarding. Remember, every effort you put into staying connected strengthens the fabric of your relationships. Keep talking, keep exploring, and keep those bonds strong.
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See you in two weeks.
Peace,
Has
